Entrevista

• Se nós sentamos na praia e bebemos vinho e comemos boa comida só você e eu, o que você iria me dizer sobre você e sua vida?
  That's probably a good time to confess that I'm not opposed to the idea of cannibalism when it's necessary for survival. "Mm, this is good Ralph. What is this, his loin? So tender!" Hahaha!!
• Quais são 5 coisas que você não pode viver sem?
  I could go with the literal (air, water, food...), but that's the safe way to answer this, and (i would assert) not in keeping with the spirit of this interview.
  So, my five things: honey-flavored yogurt (Zoi or Greek Gods brand), fresh pineapple, apple pie (i do make the best), laughter, and travel.
• Conte-nos um pouco sobre si mesmo, se você fosse escolher algo, o que você gostaria que os outros absolutamente soubessem sobre você?
  Everyone else should absolutely know that I am just like you, only with a different set of circumstances.
• Quais são seus hobbies, o que você gosta de fazer em seu tempo livre?
  I like to improve my environment. So i can often be found cleaning and organizing, sanding, and repairing all of my nice and neat flaming shit. Oh, and I'm meticulous with my laundry.
• Como você dá o melhor na sua vida?
  I prefer taking baths over showers. Don't get me wrong, i love a shower. And i do baths the hygienic way, with a shower at the end.
  But whenever I'm getting in the bath, i tell Google to play the news for me. This is the only cue my phone needs to begin about two hours of world news programming, as selected from the available sources on Google Assistant:
  NPR News Now (USA), CBC News: World Report (Canada), NHKWorld News (Japan), NPR World (USA), This Day in History (Discovery Channel), Reuter's 5-Minute Global News Briefing (England), Global's Newsroom (London), RNZ Headlines (New Zealand), DW Newsbrief (Germany), ECR Newswatch (South Africa), Daily News Brief by TRT World (Turkey), Newsscroll News Headlines (Nigeria), KBS World Radio News (Korea), World in 10 (UK), and finally, The Audio Long Read by The Guardian (UK).
  
  I feel well-informed.
• O que você faz para se divertir?
  Sleep. And i probably masturbate more than anyone, ever.
• Conte-nos sobre a melhor experiência que você teve na vida.
  Wow. That's a loaded question. For this, you shall have a loaded answer: I have survived many accidents which i probably shouldn't have. I've been to jail, I've been to rehab, I've been to Cancun. I've built homes, I've sold drugs (though never professionally). I've been a terrible person once in a great while, and I'm pretty awesome a good lot of the time. (Talk about a non-answer answer!)
• O que o distingue de todas as outras pessoas que você conhece?
  Usually it's my height. Or it's that stupid face i sometimes still (ever since junior high) make whenever a camera points my way.
• O que você diria que são suas maiores qualidades e especialidades?
  I have this power of persuasion. I often have no clue I'm even making use of it.
• Qual é o seu "nicho"?
  Having gone to massage therapy school, plus having over fifteen years of experience as a masseur since then, i suppose my 'niche' would have to be the practice of healing, intimate massage. Anyone who hires me can expect to receive the benefits of this niche.
• Com que frequência você viaja? Você prefere viajar ou você é mais um casero?
  I'm a homebody traveler. I carry with me everything i might need to feel the comforts of home, whenever i travel. This way i can get comfy in a new place pretty quickly.
• Que tipo de regime de dieta e fitness você segue?
  When I'm working, i like to keep high-protein and/or natural sugar snacks around (basically, fruit and nuts). And yogurt. I try to never run out of yogurt.
  This, combined with the physical aspect of my work, are some of the things that keep me as fit as i am (which is not all that fit, really).
• Quais são as especificidades de seu estilo de vida que fazem quem você é?
  Always on the move, i am a traveler at heart.
• O que você gostaria que seus leitores soubessem sobre você que é único e até um pouco pessoal?
  I've an irrational fear of jellyfish. They're terrifying.
• O que os outros deveriam saber absolutamente sobre você?
  Like most humans do, i tend to take myself way too seriously most of the time.
• O que você mais gosta em si mesmo?
  Mah deeyukh. Nah, probably the way i can spell *anything* out. (Watch this: Pppppthhhthh!!
  See? You just got raspberried!)
  
  ...and m'balls.